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FUNNY MOCHI
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ARTICLES |
Because I'm a Guy
Because I'm a guy, I must hold the television
remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time
I was able to survive by holding a calculator.
Because I'm a guy, when I lock my keys
in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore
your suggestions that we call a road service until long after
hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when the car isn't running very
well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know
what I'm looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say
to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now
with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where
to start." We will then drink beer.
Because I'm a guy, when I catch a cold
I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie
in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this
isn't an issue.
Because I'm a guy, I can be relied upon
to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread.
I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu."
For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any
circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine
hygiene product" is a euphemism.
Because I'm a guy, when one of our appliances
stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence
that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a guy, I don't think we're
all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone.
Why would you listen to a complete stranger -- how the heck could
HE know where we're going?
Because I'm a guy, there is no need to
ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either women
or football, though I have to make up something else when you
ask, so don't.
Because I'm a guy, I do not want to visit
your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her
when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever
you got her for Mother's Day is ok, I don't need to see it. Did
you remember to pick up something for my mom, too?
Because I'm a guy, I am capable of announcing,
"one more beer and I really have to go," and mean it every single
time I say it, even when it gets to the point that the one bar
closes and my buddies and I have to go hunt down another. I will
find it increasingly hilarious to have my pals call you to tell
you I'll be home soon, and no, I don't understand why you threw
all my clothes into the front yard. What's the connection?
Because I'm a guy, you don't have to
ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at
the end of it, I didn't.
Because I'm a guy, yes, I have to turn
up the radio when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and
then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about how Bruce
had his picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek the same day,
or how Jim Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his
grave. Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating.
Because I'm a guy, I think what you're
wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes
ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt
or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can
we just go now?
Because I'm a guy and this is, after
all, the 90's, I will share equally in the housework. You do the
laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the
rest.
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