| 1. |
Never walk without a document
in your hands |
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People with documents in their
hands look like hardworking employees heading for important
meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're
heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their
hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all,
make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night,
thus generating the false impression that you work longer
hours than you do. |
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| 2. |
Use computers to look busy |
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Any time you use a computer,
it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send
and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast
without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't
exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer
revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either.
When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught
-- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself
to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. |
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| 3. |
Messy desk |
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Top management can get away
with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're
not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around
your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the
same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high
and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle,
bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing
stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives. |
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| 4. |
Voice Mail |
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Never answer your phone if
you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they
want to give you something for nothing - they call because
they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live.
Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves
a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending
work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not
there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious
even though you're being a devious weasel. |
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| 5. |
Looking Impatient and Annoyed |
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According to George Costanza,
one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to
give your bosses the impression that you are always busy. |
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| 6. |
Leave the office late |
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Always leave the office late,
especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines
and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no
time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the
boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly
hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays. |
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| 7. |
Creative Sighing for Effect |
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Sigh loudly when there are
many people around, giving the impression that you are under
extreme pressure. |
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| 8. |
Stacking Strategy |
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It is not enough to pile lots
of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor
etc. (thick computer manuals are the best). |
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| 9. |
Build Vocabulary |
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Read up on some computer magazines
and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases
freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't
have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive. |
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| 10. |
MOST IMPORTANT: |
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DON'T forward this to your
boss by mistake!!! |
