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Thoughts for the day

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

Every time I think about exercise, I lie down till the thought goes away.

God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things.
Right now I am so far behind I will live forever.

I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.

The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Sayings:
1. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
4. This isn't an office -- It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
5. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
6. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
7. You! Off my planet!
8. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
9. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
10. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
11. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

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