| FUNNY
MOCHI
 |
JOKES |
Computer Illiterate
If you think you are computer illiterate
... think again, somewhere out there, there are people who are
worse than you.
A woman called the Canon help desk with
a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running
it under Windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to
the door. But that's a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle
next to me is under a window, and he is working fine."
**********
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the
control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task
list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring
up the Program Manager." Customer : "I don't have a 'P'." Tech
Support: "On your keyboard, Bob." Customer : "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob." Customer : "I'm not
going to do that!"
**********
Overheard in a computer shop: Customer
: "I'd like a mouse mat, please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir,
we've got a large variety." Customer : "But will they be compatible
with my computer?"
**********
Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy
the Internet onto this disk for me?"
**********
Tech Support: "All right...now double-click
on the File Manager icon." Customer : "That's why I hate this
Windows - because of the icons - I'm a Protestant, and I don't
believe in icons." Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry
term sir. I don't believe it was meant to-" Customer : "I don't
care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons." Tech
Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of
a filing cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?" Customer : [click]
**********
Got a call from a woman said that her
laser printer was having problems: the bottom half of her printed
sheets were coming out blurry. It seemed strange that the printer
was smearing only the bottom half. I walked her through the basics,
then went over and printed out a test sheet. It printed fine.
I asked her to print a sheet, so she sent a job to the printer.
As the paper started coming out, she yanked it out and showed
it to me.
**********
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's
DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call
with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow.
All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me
because the only true colors are cyan, magenta and yellow. For
instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green
printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for
yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer
delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers
for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting,
I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us
for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a
piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?
**********
A man attempting to set up his new printer
called the printer's tech support number, complaining about the
error message: "Can't find the printer." On the phone, the man
said he even held the printer up in front of the screen, but the
computer still couldn't find it.
**********
And another user was all confused about
why the cursor always moved in the opposite direction from the
movement of the mouse. She also complained that the buttons were
difficult to depress. She was very embarrassed when we asked her
to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed away from her.
**********
A friend was on duty in the main lab on
a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of
one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest,
staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes he noticed that
she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently
tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied
"It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes
ago!"
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