| FUNNY
MOCHI
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JOKES |
Office Relationships
TIPS FOR MANAGERS AND BOOSES
- Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00
and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
- If it's really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every
ten minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps.
- Always leave without telling anyone where you're going.
It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where
you are.
- If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies,
don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function
as a paraplegic and opening doors is good training.
- If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which
is the priority. Let me guess.
- Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really
have nowhere to go or anything to do.
- If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like
that could cost me a promotion.
- If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name
to be popular in conversation.
- If you have special instructions for a job, don't write
them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.
- Never introduce me to the people you're with. When you refer
to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
- Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could
really change your life.
- Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and
it's nice to know someone is less fortunate.
CLARIFICATION OF CORPORATE LINGO
"COMPETITIVE SALARY:" We remain competitive by paying less than
our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:" We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:" We don't pay enough to expect that
you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:" You'll be six months behind schedule
on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:" Some time each night and some time
each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY:" Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:" We have no quality control.
"CAREER-MINDED:" Female Applicants must be childless (and remain
that way).
"APPLY IN PERSON:" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told
the position has been filled.
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:" We've filled the job; our call for
resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:" You'll
need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:" You're walking into a company
in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:" You'll have the responsibilities
of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:" Management communicates, you listen,
figure out what they want and do it.
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