| FUNNY
MOCHI
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JOKES |
Stupid Things that People Say
Question: If you could live forever,
would you and why?
Answer:
I would not live forever,
because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed
to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live
forever, which is why I would not live forever.
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest
Outside of the killings,
Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
I've never had major
knee surgery on any other part of my body.
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward
Whenever I watch TV and
see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help
but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all
those flies and death and stuff.
- Mariah Carey, pop singer
I'm not going to have
some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents
The police are not here
to create disorder. They're here to preserve disorder."
- Former Chicago Mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 Democratic
Party Convention
Things are more like
they are now than they ever were before.
- Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower
Traditionally, most of
Australia's imports come from overseas.
- Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery
We're going to turn this
team around 360 degrees.
- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks
Researchers have discovered
that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain
as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities
between the two, but can't remember what they are.
- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22
Half this game is ninety
percent mental.
- Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark
They're multipurpose.
Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off.
- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged
the Air Force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers
The streets are safe
in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.
- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia
The president has kept
all of the promises he intended to keep.
- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on "Larry King Live"
After finding no qualified
candidates for the position of principal, the school board is
extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele
to the post.
- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode
Island
Without censorship, things
can get terribly confused in the public mind.
- General William Westmoreland, during the war in Vietnam
Ever since I was a kid,
I've always been a real deep thinker and stuff.
- Billy Ray Cyrus
"No, you bombed it."
- Japan's emperor's reply to then first lady Barbara Bush when
she asked if the purpose of the newly built palace was because
the old one was not large enough.
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